From being a patient most of my life at an oncology & haematology centre, to battling depression, to facing a crumbling household in my teenage years, and to years of bullying and feeling like an outcast, some may say I've lived quite the crazy life. Though when people ask me, "Do you wish it was otherwise?". My answer will always be NO. My battles, my scars, my history, made me the person I am today. She exudes strength, she rises before her weaknesses, and she smiles when they try to torch her down.
She is someone I've grown to love, even though it took years. Still, I can't deny that my life has seen the face of darkness, and devoured moments where peace was inevitably non-existent. With the years that pass, and the multitude of times that I had to “rise from the ashes”, I can somehow say I’ve learned the ways, the sounds, the ambience and the people that bring me joy, and harmony right down to the core. Being in my sweats, laying on my clean sheets in my own humble abode brings me the most pure peace I have ever felt. I feel neutral, comfortable, natural, blessed and away from prejudices, societal expectations and the anxiety of more hurdles to come.
I feel, ME. I often find myself gazing through boxes of memories from pictures to birthday cards to event tickets. These elements although printed on pieces of paper and card, remind me of such a beautiful life well lived behind all the struggle and pain that came with it. There are days I pick up and gaze at the ticket to the first large event I organized, reminding me of the young leader I am. Other days, I stare at the sentimental notes given to me by family and friends, reminding me of how loved I am.
Some days, I cry at hospital pictures from my childhood, reminding me how strong I am, and if I could pull through what’s close to death in the face, I can pull through ANYTHING. I then would sip a cup of tea, warming me up as warm as my heart, talk to my loved ones to signify their amazing presence in my life, or adore the comforts of softness from my cats. I’ve acquired such serenity in beaches from Portugal to Greece. But, sometimes, the simplest things are what brings true and long-term peace.
Story by Nadine
Photo by Sarah Hadi